A Conscious Approach To Conflict

Are you looking for ways to move through a conflict situation? There are so many conflicts occurring all over the world - on the road, in relationship, families, workplaces, governments, between nations. You can choose to handle your own situation consciously. From that, there is a spreading effect so that every time you choose consciousness, you are making a difference in the world.

What is the current situation?

If any of the following list of characteristics are happening for you, chances are that you are in a reaction.

- your focus is on the other

- you hold judgments about the other

- your mind is busy with the situation or you refuse to think about it

- you delve into the past for evidence

- you gather support for your case from others

- you either feel tense or have closed down

- you have a belief that everything would be fine if the other changed their behaviour

- you blame the other ... you wouldn’t be reacting this way if it weren’t for them

- you feel entitled to have your reaction

- you don’t want to appear to give ground, e.g. by turning your focus inwards, by real listening

- you're not going to change until they do

It may well be the case that the other has behaved badly. If that is the case, you would probably like them to take responsibility for that. If you have reacted to their behaviour, start by taking responsibility for your own reaction first. Most people avoid this like the plague. Yet when we do it, it feels liberating.

So what helps?

Stop, breathe, relax

This helps to get out of the mindset and come back to yourself.

Drop from the head to the heart

You will feel that there is more space. When you are present, your energy is very different from when you are caught up in the mind. You will be better able to listen and speak from your heart. It's all about where your words are coming from. What is the energy behind them?

Have a clear intention to stay as centred and sincere as you can

Stay focused on a positive outcome. Even if the other doesn’t do that, at least you will know that you have acted with integrity.

Let go of wanting to be right

This means that you stop and really check inside. This brings authenticity. Are you coming from a tense mind or are you coming from a deeper, relaxed inner knowing? Is there some truth in what the other is saying?

Ask yourself what you could do differently instead of staying with old patterns

Be respectful

This will allow you to maintain grace and dignity. Your approach is then an unspoken invitation to the other to do the same. Stay with it however the other behaves. If the other behaves badly, that doesn't give you the excuse to behave badly.

Open to self-awareness

Use every situation for deepening awareness. Bring some focus back to you so you can be aware of what’s happening in you. What are you learning about yourself from the situation? Does the way you are feeling remind you of any other situations when you have felt something similar? Whenever we have an emotional charge, we are caught in a projection. It's as if lenses have dropped down over our eyes and wee are overlaying past situations on the current situation. If that's the case for your right now, you can use the current situation to free up from something in you.

Take responsibility for your feelings, thoughts and behaviour

Stop blaming the other for your reaction – then it becomes easier to respond rather than reacting

Be willing to talk things through

Go for open, honest communication. Communicate your needs and concerns.

Say you are sorry

Apologies are needed after we have behaved in a destructive or unhelpful way. But any apology needs to be real. You may want to give at least one specific example in order to demonstrate that you have real understanding of what happened. Then your apology has meaning. And when you look at the part you've played, it may well be just something small that you could do differently next time.

FAQ